Random Supermarket observations

Ran to the shops for milk this morning, and noticed a few things:

• Early mornings are a good time to go to the supermarket, because the huge displays of chocolate biscuits at the aisle-ends just gross you out. Late afternoon shops always result in at least one packet of Tim Tams, if not one of each variety. Ditto for potato chips.
  
• The Kraft Singles packets make no mention of "cheese".
  
• Placing a picture of the Wiggles on a product instantly makes it delicious in the eyes of a three year old.

Spring in the Garden

I love Spring.

The garden is positively blooming at the moment. It's such a nice change from the cold, cold winter.


I'm also really excited that the tulips have blossomed. Never managed that before!

Learning to read

Books are a big deal for our kids. This morning I had some rare quality time with second-born, who woke up half an hour earlier than her brother. We sat on the lounge together and she brought numerous board books over to be read, one at a time. It was lovely.

Later, firstborn pulled out his favourite book. Not to read, however.

Noooo. That would be far too simple.

Turning the book on its spine, he turned it into a "motorbike", and rode it around the house, crashing onto the floor numerous times. His sister joined in, complete with the "ohhhh...cwash!" at the end.

I don't know where he gets it from.

The Christian and Depression

On Sunday, we had a special youth service on the topic "the Christian and Depression", and an old college friend of ours came up to speak. He chose Psalm 88 as his text, the only psalm not to have an uplifting "but I will trust in the Lord". It was a great night, and a really helpful talk.

As Christians, we can be spectacularly unhelpful in our response to depression or other mental illness. Here are some of the ways we might stuff up:

1. You're a Christian, you shouldn't be depressed!
The first way shows a misunderstanding of what being a Christian means. Sometimes people preach the gospel as if to say, "Believe in Jesus, and your life will be a bunch of roses". But being a Christian doesn't make us immune from depression any more than it makes us immune from the flu. We're saved by grace into a living hope, but it's not until Christ's return that we are promised that "there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Rev 21:4). We still live in a fallen world, and part of that fallenness is the Black Dog.

2. You musn't have enough faith. Bad Christian, Bad!
This is a worsening of the first way we can be unhelpful to people who are struggling with depression. Sadly, some sections of the church believe that if we have enough faith, we will automatically be healthy, wealthy and wise. The flipside of that is that if you aren't healthy, wealthy or wise, you therefore don't believe enough. So on top of the enormous burden of depression that people suffer, we add the burden of guilt and despair.

3. I've only got 5 minutes over a cuppa...
It's fairly common these days for people you pass in the street to say "Hi! How are you?" as they pass, clearly not waiting for a response. Our Sunday after-the-service conversations can be almost as bad. Sure, we're usually at least mildly interested in how people are doing, but if they've got real problems we nod, smile politely, and then look for the quickest way to get out of the conversation. It's little wonder that many people who suffer with depression learn to avoid social contact, or hide behind a veneer of "I'm fine thanks".

4. Aren't you better yet?
Us Aussies have notoriously short attention spans. You only have to look at Australian Idol to see: we're great at cheering for the battler, but as soon as the lights have faded, they're ancient history. We love the 60 minute story arc - our hero begins facing grave difficulties, but with a lot of heroicism overcomes between the ad breaks. Even our sermons tie up neatly with the 5-minute application.
Depression doesn't work that way. It's often around for the long haul.

5. I've been sad, too.
Sometimes we can show a classic lack of understanding about what depression really is. We try to empathise and say "Yeah, I know how you feel" without actually knowing, and end up showing that we really have no idea. This can drive a person who's depressed even further away, and make them think you aren't interested in them at all. I once heard someone say "Yes, I felt depressed once. I just threw myself into the housework, and it fixed everything up."

6. The depression-cure vending machine
As part of our short attention spans, we often try the "quick fix" therapy method. It often turns into advice like "Just pray about it"/"Think of how wonderful heaven will be!"/"Fix your eyes on Jesus!"/"Pull yourself together!" While it's good for someone who is depressed to pray or to know that they won't be depressed in heaven, depression is not cured by quick-fix methods. Sometimes it can't be completely cured at all. We don't like that idea, do we?

7. Nothing to see here! (The not-the-Good-Samaritan approach)
Probably the worst way we can be unhelpful is to live in denial. We see someone who clearly appears to be struggling, and like the Levite in Jesus' parable we cross the road to the other side. There's no Depression here! We're all Christians! We're all victorious! That person who wishes they were dead is not really thinking that at all. Don't mention the war!

As our friend said on Sunday, if Psalm 88 is in the bible, it shows that we shouldn't be sweeping depression under the carpet. Depression is not shameful. Let our friends who are depressed be honest, rather than hide what they're dealing with.

Movies for the kiddies

As our eldest child grows up, we've started thinking about whether to take him to the movies yet, and what to see. It's not a huge choice - there are usually only one movie that would even remotely be suitable for a preschooler.

The issue we wrestle with at the moment is the opacity of the current ratings system. Sure, you have more info than we had as kids, but what on earth does "Mild violence" mean? Is it the kind of cartoon "bop on the head", or something that would give our son nightmares?

There is a solution. I found this great website called "Kids in Mind". It's a movie ratings site that specifically goes through and gives you detailed info on what the "mild violence" is. And it provides you with a three-point ratings system based on the levels of sex/violence/swearing in the movie.

Sometimes it seems to go overboard, but if you're the kind of parent that wants to know exactly what's in the movie before you go, then check it out. Then make up your own mind whether your little ones would enjoy it or not!

Personality, schmersonality

Today, I took one of those online Myers-Briggs tests. Once again, it seems that I've changed in my designation.

Apparently, I'm now an INTP, otherwise known as an "Engineer" or "Absent-Minded Professor"

What the - ?

Well, perhaps the Absent-minded bit isn't too far off the mark, but Engineer I definitely am not!


Now where did I leave my sunglasses...?

(If you want to see what the test said about me, check here)

Edit: OK, so I spent a little more time reading the profile, and while I still disagree with the term "Engineer", here's what the site summarised:

"INTPs are logical, individualistic, reserved, and very curious individuals. They focus on ideas, theories and the explanation of how things work. They are especially adept at discussions and debate. They have the ability to focus intently on a subject. They appreciate and respect intelligence in others."

I'd have to agree with that.

Frazzled

Some nights are just tough - particularly when I'm doing the dinner/bath/bed/storytime thing all by myself. Patience wears thin, and I find myself struggling to keep a civil tone as the kids go nuts (they're tired and crabby, too!).
Colin Buchanan's written a song for families to remember in times like this:

Press On, Mums

Press on, Mums
In all the chaos
Look to Jesus through the tears
Press on, Mums
God will guide you
Through those precious, tender years

Chorus
And in all you do do it for Jesus
Who won you life and free forgiveness
Yesterday, today
He is the same
All you do
Do it in Jesus' name

Press on, Dads
Love your wife
Serve your children
Set the pace
Press on Dads
Seize the moment
Show them Jesus
Run the race

Chorus

Press on, kids
God adores you
He will hear you when you pray
Press on, kids
Love your family
Honour, serve
Forgive, obey

Chorus

...and when all your human energy is gone
Look towards your Jesus and press on

Words and music by Colin Buchanan (c) 2007 Universal Music Publishing (Aust)

Those last two lines are what I need to remember on nights like this. Strength to love even when you're bone tired...

:)

Weathering

I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to have sunny Spring weather again. A month ago, we were all staggering around under the weight of scarves, beanies, heavy overcoats and 14 layers of clothing. Now, the sun has appeared and life is beautiful.

It wasn't until the sun came out that I realised how much the weather had been affecting our collective mood. When we were in the middle of a rainy, freezing winter, lots of things happened:

• People didn't go out as much, because the weather was bad. Constant life indoors makes you stir crazy.
  
• People who did go out noticed the absence of those who didn't. Emptier churches made you sad, and less inclined to go the next week.
  
• Cold, grey days made for cold, grey people. The depression levels in our community rose considerably.
  
• When people are cold and miserable, sometimes they assume that it's someone else's fault. Complaints rose considerably.
• If you're complained to on a regular basis, you tend to pass it on. If not, you just internalise it and wonder what's wrong with you.

I've known about SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) for some time now, but this is the most extreme demonstration of its existence I have yet had. My resolution for next winter is not to be discouraged about winter-negativity, but to try and understand. It's not them.
It's the rain.