Friday Funnies - The mysterious Fire Set

Eldest received a "fire rescue" set for his birthday, which he loves. But closer inspection of the set has made me think that the factory was skimping somewhat on plastic mouldings.

Exhibit 1: The Fire "engine"


You may not be able to see in this picture, but the fireman appears to have a plastic hand grenade attached to his jacket, as well as a combat pack attached to the front of the amphibious vehicle. I should also point out that the set came with two vehicles that looked similar to this one, and a helicopter. There were no actual fire "trucks", as such.

Now you may be thinking that this is all in my imagination. For those of you who remain skeptical, here is Exhibit 2:

Anyone have any ideas about the potential applications of rocket launchers in fire fighting?


Eldest loves it, so we just call them "special fire hoses". :)

Friday Funnies - Sometimes the translation gets a bit muddled

This image was collected by the people at signspotting.com. Well worth a look.

Consumer Christianity

At college, we were frequently challenged to look at our own culture and evaluate where the gospel is needed, where it can change, where it can challenge. One of the central things we were taught was that there was no such thing as a perfect culture: all cultures are tainted by human sinfulness in some way or other. The gospel needs to challenge these areas rather than capitulate to them. It taught that sometimes when we are immersed in a culture we can be blind to certain aspects that actually need to be healed rather than held.

At the time, one of the big issues we discussed was the heavy reliance on individualism rather than corporate identity. But I don't actually think that's the big challenge for the gospel in Western society. The real challenge is consumerism (yes, I know they are linked, but I believe it is actually a separate issue).

We live in a materialistic culture. Matters of spirituality are not really addressed in mainstream media, except as a form of entertainment to be consumed. The key messages our culture transmits are acquire, consume, criticise, take your pick, dispose of the old, crave the new. You have only to see the hype surrounding the opening of the new Apple store in Sydney to see that "stuff" has become the new god.

This affects the church in many ways. Most obvious are the Consumer Christians who may inhabit churches.

Some indicators of Consumer Christians (if you know others, please feel free to add your comments!):

1. Are ME focused, rather than service focused. They attend churches that give them a buzz, make them feel good, have the kind of music they like, and so on. They might volunteer to serve in the occasional church activity, but only if it doesn't require too much time commitment, pain, or long-term "contract".
   
2. Have a "shopping list" of wants for their church. Their favourite sentence begins, "You know, what I think this church needs is..."
   
3. Are constantly dissatisfied with the current state of the church, but with little desire or willingness to actually help things become better. They are the restaurant critics of the church business, and they share their dissatisfaction behind closed doors, in the open, or to anyone who will listen.
   
4. Shop around for better churches. Consumer Christians will often attend 2 or 3 churches at a time, sampling the best of everything, but being satisfied with none. The more they sample, the more they wish their original church could be the best of everything.
5. Have a short shelf-life attitude to church friends, church workers, church attendance. They might shift churches once every couple of years (or every few months). Or maybe they agitate to have a new senior pastor once every four years or so. Basically they want to change their church environment as often as they change their mobile phone. After all, when that initial contract runs out, we just chuck it for a new one, don't we?
6. Are excitement and "new" focused, rather than gospel focused. Consumer Christians can be constantly pushing to have new and exciting initiatives always going on in a church. They reserve the right to pick and choose which church events they attend, but they still want the smorgasbord.
   

How does the gospel challenge this attitude? The gospel is a radical antidote to Consumer Christianity. Jesus' teaching goes way beyond opposing this kind of attitude even among Christians. How? Here are a few verses for you:

Matthew 20:25-28 “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ^26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ^27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— ^28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Leaders of churches, followers of Jesus were put in their place by these words. Consumer Christians want the "me first" out of church. Jesus wants us to be "you first" instead. Being a Christian is not about purchasing a service for ourselves and then complaining to the service desk if it isn't what we wanted. It's about genuinely loving our brothers and sisters in Christ, and seeking their good before our own. After all, if Jesus our king could stoop so low, we should be able to.

Romans 15:1-6 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. ^2 Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. ^3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”^{ 4} For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

^5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ^6 so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Endurance isn't a big virtue these days, is it? Well, maybe enduring a cold night to wait for a shop to open. But long-term endurance, loving our church as a family for the long haul, that is a toughie, isn't it? What about when they disagree with us? Paul makes it clear that our focus in serving one another isn't for our own glory, but for the glory of Christ Jesus. Will it be tough? Yes. But what's a few years of struggle compared to the glory to come?

^{2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 16} Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ^17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ^18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Quotes taken from The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

How to Avoid Going Overboard

We've recently discovered that our daughter probably suffers from asthma.

It began as a chest infection with the usual coughing and spluttering. But the coughing and spluttering did not disappear after a full course of antibiotics and various treatments. Then a chesty wheeze appeared with the almost daily coughing fits (though thankfully not severe).

My husband took her to the doctor, and came home with an armful of equipment: prescriptions for daily preventer tablets, an inhaler, spacer, mouthpiece, face mask, instructions. The face mask and spacer created a wild frenzied panic in Boo, so we tried puffs straight into her mouth. She hated the taste, and soon the daily treatments were a battle. We went back to the spacer with a mouthpiece, showed her Mummy and Daddy happily taking "puffs", and suddenly it was a game. She began coming up to us saying "I have beething. Need my medss." (translation: I have trouble breathing, need my medicine).

Friends at church have been wonderfully generous, and gave us a nebulizer and humidifier they no longer needed. We are very grateful to them, though we hope that we don't have to use them.

We're trying not to go overboard in reaction, but we're looking today for new carpet and a vacuum cleaner with a HEPA filter. The carpet is old, cheap, and tatty, and we were thinking of changing it anyway. But we're not ripping it up in favour of floorboards. For one thing, that stirs up the dust more than carpet can. For another thing, we couldn't afford the heating bill, living where we do!

Life is tough...

...When you're a pampered pooch.

Done and Dusted

Finally, after a few too many years, the birth sampler set is complete.


Note the highly professional photo editing job, by someone far too stingy to have photoshop...

How Not to Advertise

Out of curiousity, I wandered through the Sydney craigslist this morning, and noticed a lovely little advertisement for:

"SPECIOUS 3 BR APARTMENT IN SYDNEY"

Um...

For those of you who might not realise, here are the two definitions...

Spa-cious (adjective)
Containing much space, as a house, room, or vehicle; amply large.

Spe-cious (adjective)
Having the ring of truth or plausibility but actually fallacious: a specious argument.


Which one do you think they meant?

...

The Nasty Surprises in Children's Television

A couple of days ago, I succumbed to laziness, and allowed my daughter to watch Playschool in the afternoon. My excuse is that I was feeling ill (a six week-long chest infection tends to knock you out a little bit). However, I won't be turning on afternoon TV again. Not because of Playschool (though there are the odd occasions you have to be careful with that one...), but because of another program that came on soon afterwards.

Looking at the program, I know my kids are too young for Tutenstein, but Jakers seemed ok. It was, after all, an animated series with cute-looking pigs and cows and sheep. That was, until I walked into the TV room just as the characters started up a seance.

How do you explain why you suddenly jumped at the TV off switch then, eh?



Next time laziness hits, we'll be putting on a Colin DVD, I think...

...and they've got a point, too.

Here's a link for you today, courtesy of cracker.com.

6 Action Heroes (Who Should be Convicted of Murder)

They make some great points, like this example from The Matrix:

The thing is, it's explained early in the movie that there are bad guys who are entirely computer-generated (the "Agents") and then there are regular people who, when they get shot in the Matrix, die in real life. And those security guards were the latter.

Yet, for some reason it's played so that Neo is totally free from any guilt over killing a bunch of people, instead of just generating a helicopter and grabbing Morpheus from the top floor. You know, like they wind up doing anyway.

...So at the end of the day the lesson is apparently that it doesn't matter how many civilians you kill as long as you make sure that you look as cool as possible while doing it.

The Laws of Ultimate Reality

I don't have anything particularly witty to relate today, so I thought I would reproduce a humorous email I received this morning. If anyone knows the source of these witticisms, I will be happy to give full credit where it is due...


The Laws of Ultimate Reality

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

My variation for mothers:
The probability of being watched is directly in proportion to the
volume of your child's speech.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone
always answers.

My variation for mothers:
If your child gets hold of the phone, they will immediately make an
international phone call to a random stranger.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

My variation for mothers:
If you attempt to apologise for not attending a mother's group, your
child will immediately volunteer the real reason for your absence.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster
than the one you are in now (works every time).

My variation for mothers:
If your baby is overdue for a feed, the supermarket queue
you join will be serviced by a trainee on their first day of the job.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

My variation for mothers:
When your body is fully immersed in water, the children will suddenly require
urgent attention.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.

My law for mothers:
The probability of meeting someone you know
increases exponentially when you are in a tracksuit "just popping out for some milk".
If you have unwashed hair, the probability = 100%.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

My variation for mothers:
When you try to demonstrate your child's new skill to their father, they won't.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

My variation for mothers:
The urgency of the child's pickup request is directly proportional to the number of
shopping bags you are currently holding.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

Variation for mothers:
At any event, your child will begin crying at the quietest moment possible.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something
which will last until the coffee is cold.

My Variation for mothers:
As soon as you make a hot cup of tea or coffee,
your children will create an emergency that requires
your full attention for as long as it takes said cup to
completely cool to room temperature.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

My variation for mothers:
If your baby urgently requires a feed, all feeding booths in
the shopping centre baby room will be taken.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

My variation for mothers:
The attraction between a child's hand an wall surface increases
in proportion to the stickiness of material smeared on the child's hand.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

My variation for mothers:
Any explanation is plausible when child's age is below 3.
When child's age exceeds 12, no explanation is ever plausible.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

My variation for mothers:
If the child is yours, they aren't.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

My variation for mothers:
A closed mouth gets mashed pumpkin smeared everywhere.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it.

My variation for mothers:
The level of environmental disturbance caused by a toy is directly proportional to
the child's desire to possess it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better.
If you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.

My variation for mothers:
Your child will miraculously stop wheezing the moment you
walk into a doctor's office.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

My variation for mothers:
Ditto above for hands mid nappy change. Likelihood of nose itch increases the more soiled
the nappy in question appears to be.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

My variation for mothers:
Any teething toy, when dropped, will land saliva side down.



NB: After saying I had nothing witty to mention, I added in the variations for mothers, above.
Do you have any ideas for variations?