How Not to Advertise

Out of curiousity, I wandered through the Sydney craigslist this morning, and noticed a lovely little advertisement for:

"SPECIOUS 3 BR APARTMENT IN SYDNEY"

Um...

For those of you who might not realise, here are the two definitions...

Spa-cious (adjective)
Containing much space, as a house, room, or vehicle; amply large.

Spe-cious (adjective)
Having the ring of truth or plausibility but actually fallacious: a specious argument.


Which one do you think they meant?

...

The Nasty Surprises in Children's Television

A couple of days ago, I succumbed to laziness, and allowed my daughter to watch Playschool in the afternoon. My excuse is that I was feeling ill (a six week-long chest infection tends to knock you out a little bit). However, I won't be turning on afternoon TV again. Not because of Playschool (though there are the odd occasions you have to be careful with that one...), but because of another program that came on soon afterwards.

Looking at the program, I know my kids are too young for Tutenstein, but Jakers seemed ok. It was, after all, an animated series with cute-looking pigs and cows and sheep. That was, until I walked into the TV room just as the characters started up a seance.

How do you explain why you suddenly jumped at the TV off switch then, eh?



Next time laziness hits, we'll be putting on a Colin DVD, I think...

...and they've got a point, too.

Here's a link for you today, courtesy of cracker.com.

6 Action Heroes (Who Should be Convicted of Murder)

They make some great points, like this example from The Matrix:

The thing is, it's explained early in the movie that there are bad guys who are entirely computer-generated (the "Agents") and then there are regular people who, when they get shot in the Matrix, die in real life. And those security guards were the latter.

Yet, for some reason it's played so that Neo is totally free from any guilt over killing a bunch of people, instead of just generating a helicopter and grabbing Morpheus from the top floor. You know, like they wind up doing anyway.

...So at the end of the day the lesson is apparently that it doesn't matter how many civilians you kill as long as you make sure that you look as cool as possible while doing it.

The Laws of Ultimate Reality

I don't have anything particularly witty to relate today, so I thought I would reproduce a humorous email I received this morning. If anyone knows the source of these witticisms, I will be happy to give full credit where it is due...


The Laws of Ultimate Reality

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

My variation for mothers:
The probability of being watched is directly in proportion to the
volume of your child's speech.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone
always answers.

My variation for mothers:
If your child gets hold of the phone, they will immediately make an
international phone call to a random stranger.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

My variation for mothers:
If you attempt to apologise for not attending a mother's group, your
child will immediately volunteer the real reason for your absence.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster
than the one you are in now (works every time).

My variation for mothers:
If your baby is overdue for a feed, the supermarket queue
you join will be serviced by a trainee on their first day of the job.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

My variation for mothers:
When your body is fully immersed in water, the children will suddenly require
urgent attention.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.

My law for mothers:
The probability of meeting someone you know
increases exponentially when you are in a tracksuit "just popping out for some milk".
If you have unwashed hair, the probability = 100%.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

My variation for mothers:
When you try to demonstrate your child's new skill to their father, they won't.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

My variation for mothers:
The urgency of the child's pickup request is directly proportional to the number of
shopping bags you are currently holding.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

Variation for mothers:
At any event, your child will begin crying at the quietest moment possible.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something
which will last until the coffee is cold.

My Variation for mothers:
As soon as you make a hot cup of tea or coffee,
your children will create an emergency that requires
your full attention for as long as it takes said cup to
completely cool to room temperature.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

My variation for mothers:
If your baby urgently requires a feed, all feeding booths in
the shopping centre baby room will be taken.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

My variation for mothers:
The attraction between a child's hand an wall surface increases
in proportion to the stickiness of material smeared on the child's hand.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

My variation for mothers:
Any explanation is plausible when child's age is below 3.
When child's age exceeds 12, no explanation is ever plausible.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

My variation for mothers:
If the child is yours, they aren't.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

My variation for mothers:
A closed mouth gets mashed pumpkin smeared everywhere.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it.

My variation for mothers:
The level of environmental disturbance caused by a toy is directly proportional to
the child's desire to possess it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better.
If you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.

My variation for mothers:
Your child will miraculously stop wheezing the moment you
walk into a doctor's office.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

My variation for mothers:
Ditto above for hands mid nappy change. Likelihood of nose itch increases the more soiled
the nappy in question appears to be.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

My variation for mothers:
Any teething toy, when dropped, will land saliva side down.



NB: After saying I had nothing witty to mention, I added in the variations for mothers, above.
Do you have any ideas for variations?

A piece of history for you...

Sometimes science can do really interesting things. Take for example the Judean date palm, up until recently thought to be extinct. From excavations at Masada, a site of significance for the Jewish rebellion in AD 66-73, archaeologists found 2000 year old date seeds, long dormant. Through the wonders of modern technology, they were able to activate one of the seeds, which has now grown into the only known specimen of a Judean date palm. It's been called Methuselah.

So if you want to see an example of a tree from the time of Jesus, have a look here.

Growing up

This was Eldest four years ago. Time has flown...

Before He Speaks

This is hilarious. I have to say that my husband has been really quite good in not mentioning me all that much, but this is one for those of you who get dragged through the sermons all the time!

Edukayshun

This was displayed on a local public school sign recently:


If my kids ever need "learing" they'll be the first ones I'll call...

What was I Thinking?????

Next weekend, Eldest turns 4. He asked for a Wiggles party, so being the accommodating mother I am (ha!), I sent out the necessary invitations for a little party at the house. Yesterday I looked at the guest list.

We are having 16 toddlers and 5 babies over to our house, in the mountains, in June (that's Winter for all you Northern Hemisphere readers). My husband is also preaching three times the following day.





... Not smart.

(Change of venue, anyone?)

Wildlife Spotting

A couple of times on our holidays, we spotted eagles flying over the coastline. On our last beach day they were close enough to catch with the small zoom on the camera (they were very far away, hence the blurry appearance).

We didn't know what they were, at first, but it turns out they are actually White-breasted Sea Eagles. There was a family of three wheeling and gliding around the cliff-tops. We wondered why all the smaller birds had gone silent, and then these three huge birds flew over us.


The one below is a juvenile. Apparently they don't go completely white until they're about 4 years old.
It's wonderful to watch Eagles soar. They were the original hang-gliders - just coasting around on the updrafts around the sea cliffs. They barely flapped their wings, and looked effortless in their flight. I wouldn't want to be a fish when they were hunting, though!